Tune Out

Imagine this pitch:

"Welcome to our store! Thanks for coming in. Boy, do we have a deal for you. Non-stop entertainment, 24/7! All you have to do is watch. It's called television. If you don't like what you see, we'll give you this little match handheld device with buttons - push a button and you can watch something different. You don't even have to stand up!!

There are thousands of things to watch - 'shows,' we call them - on hundreds of different 'channels.' You'll never lack for something to do ever again. You can also hook up neato accessories so that you can use it to play games, record shows that might be playing at the same time that you're watching something else, and watch movies that you can rent from special services. You'll love it.

"Cons? Well, maybe a couple. I know you're going to love this thing so much that you'll find these pitfalls pretty minor, but in the interest of disclosure - I'm an honest guy, after all - I'll be happy to tell you about some of the downsides of this machine. Here we go:

• For every hour of a 'show' that you watch, there will be about 20 minutes of advertisements. They're like little mini-shows, and they are there to help you decide how to spend your money and/or your time. There are advertisements for everything you could think of - food, medicine, insurance, mortgages, cars, beer, movies, lots of other stuff, and even other shows! These are necessary in order to pay for the programs you watch.

• You might find that you love television so much that you prefer watching it to doing other things, like getting a job, playing with your kids, talking to your spouse, cleaning your house, making dinner, and a few other trivial things. This is OK, though - there are commercials that will tell you how to make money without a job, find things to buy for your kids so they can entertain themselves, medicines to put the passion back into your life, new super-chemical cleaners that will cut your cleaning time in half (just don't breathe too deeply!), and whole meal options that can be ready in 5 minutes or better yet - delivered!

• You might need to buy a few of these machines - having only one television is probably not going to be enough for you. It's unlikely that everyone in your family is going to want to watch the same thing at the same time, so we suggest a TV in every room - and don't forget about the kids! They need entertainment as well and goodness knows, they can't play outside anymore. I've seen lots of shows about all of the dangerous people out there - better to keep them safe inside. Don't worry. The commercials on the channels for kids would never try to sell them something that as bad for them. Lots of food commercials, but everyone has to eat, right? Toys, too, but if they aren't going outside they need toys. Commercials just help them help you come Christmas and birthday time - they'll be able to tell you exactly what they want. It's a good thing.

• Not only should you have multiple TV's, they have to be GOOD TV's. Huge big screens with surround sound and high definition. Watching shows on a small screen just won't satisfy you, and besides - your neighbors will laugh if you don't have a big TV. They'll think you can't afford it or something. Don't let that happen.

• There have been some studies that suggest that spending too much time with your television makes you fat and somewhat stupid. The effect may be compounded for children - they're such adorable little sponges, aren't they? - but you'll find that they love it too much to take it away from them. They might throw a tantrum and those are ugly. And loud. Don't forget loud. You might miss some of your show if they're throwing a tantrum.

• Remember how I said that the advertisements pay for the shows? Well, that's not entirely correct. In order to get all of the channels available - including channels that show movies constantly, which will save you a fortune because you won't have to actually go to every single movie that comes out in a month and of course you do that, right? - you'll have to pay a fee. Yeah. Sorry about that. There are several packages you can get, though. What's that? No, you can't just pay for the channels you actually want. That's just silly talk.

"I wouldn't worry about those cons - you'll find that television is your friend and it's warm glow is comforting and will make you forget all about your cares for a while. Numb is good."

............ Look around your house. Do a quick mental tally of how much money you've spent because of your television. Include the actual sets, the DVD players, the VCR players, the game systems, the furniture that houses all of it, the cable/satellite equipment, the monthly fees. Figure out how many hours a day you and your family spend watching TV.

If you've read any of my comments, you'll know that I love commercials and I have a bit of a reality show fetish. I should watch less TV, and so should my kids. It'd be good for us.

One thing we don't do, though, is the whole cable thing. We have basic, basic, basic cable. Like - $13/month. It's actually $3/month because we have our internet service through the same company and that knocks $10 off of our cable bill. We've thought about upgrading so that we could do the whole Tivo/DVR thing but so far we've resisted. It would take our monthly bill to probably $70/month and for what? The ability to watch even more TV? We've found a replacement for the History Channel or the Food Channel out our local library. Their selection of documentary type DVD's is pretty, and we skip the advertisements.

Make your own decisions, figure out what's important - decide whether or not cutting your monthly TV bill and using that money for something else (paying off debt or adding to savings) is worth the loss of a few channels.

CONTACT AT PROSPER LOANS DOT INFO